Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
