It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
