Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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