i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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