remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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