Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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