Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
