Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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