I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
