Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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