you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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