Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
