He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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