I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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