i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
