Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So squirting runs in the family.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
