After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
