Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You made out with two different species that night
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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