there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
