I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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