found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
