How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize