I think my fart just growled at me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
