So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
