and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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