we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
