I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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