I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
