Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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