Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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