my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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