Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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