I accidentally had phone sex last night
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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