I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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