so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
