So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
