Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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