Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
