He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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