If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
