He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
