dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
