another moral hangover. fuck.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
