Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You took a bar mat shot.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
