You made me cry and you don't even care
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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