we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I want her autograph on my taint
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
