he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
