We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
