you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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