dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
