I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
