um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
