If i come over, it means nothing
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
