he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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