does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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