The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
