You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
