Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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