So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
