just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's never too late to be topless.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
