I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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