I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
