I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
