But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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