Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
