Your face is a jimmy john
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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